For Creative Writing, this is my final blogging assignment. In reflection, I have enjoyed it. I have blogged a little here and there with other sites and I have always liked it but had a hard time sticking to it. The social media sites that I used either became obsolete or changed so much I didn't care to continue on. I have a few things on Facebook I want to transfer over here just for safekeeping.
I hope I remember to post on here every once in awhile. I liked reading my classmates posts, and I admit I should have commented more. I am sure over the next week I will read more and comment some more just to eat up some time at work during finals week. There's just so much to read, not enough time to reflect! That always seems to end up being an issue for me.
As an ending thought though, thank you Jen for such a fun assignment. I admit there were times I was over thinking this assignment, but now I've taken it with stride. I like this blog to be a time capsule for me, and I will look back at some of my entries months, and maybe years, from now. I hope to see my classmates blogging from time to time, and I will enjoy keeping in touch for a little while.
Good luck everyone with finals, and teachers with grading. Thank you for another year.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
100 Things, pt. 2 - Dislikes
Pink!
Clothes
shopping
Peppers
of any kind
Small
cars
Tomato
soup
Goats
that don’t faint
My high
school
Gold,
anything.
Memorization
Dead
batteries
Property
taxes
Drunks/alcoholics.
Less
than “B” worthy work done by me
Crying.
Odin,
when he’s naughty.
Brand
new houses
Lack of
recycling
Facebook
Taking
out my belly button piercing
Doctor
appointments
Uniforms
Organized
religion
Expensive
textbooks
Backstabbing
family.
Excess
of technology
Lack of
trees
High
blood glucose
The oil
boom in North Dakota
Bad
tattoos
Close
minded people
Cigarettes
Gas
prices
Late
assignments
Bugs in
hotel rooms
Unnatural
dyes in food
Not
being able to sleep
Long
car rides with my mother and father
Walmart
The
last six weeks of pregnancy
Caesarean
sections (c-section)
Procrastination…
Lack of
time
Wishing
time away
Christmas,
all of it.
Lack of
free wifi internet
Packing
and still forgetting that ONE thing
Children
lacking manners
Coughing
fits
Any
kind of fertility treatment.
Biting
my nails too much
When a
limb falls asleep
Quizzes
I am not prepared for
Not
knowing what to do with my life
Split
ends!!!
Misplacing
things
My
husband when he’s crabby
Overdue
bills
Baby
registering, wedding registering
Trying
to write a better memoir
Running
out of black eyeliner
Forgetting
to take my prenatal
Not
getting anything done in a day
Anyone
cheating on anyone
Laundry
Lack of
running water
My
mother when she repeats things
Doctors
that perform circumcision
Hitting
animals with my car
Stupid
mistakes I can’t let go
Teachers
that don’t use D2L
Having
to drink warm water
Having
a cold and no Nyquil
My
father when he talks negatively of others
Writing
in APA format
Never
having time to read just for fun
Neglecting
to use my planner
Losing
my wedding ring
Seeing
my deceased uncle’s farm torn down
Being
told I’m being a broken record
Having
only been in three different states
The
part of my life spent at high school
Urinary
tract infections
Pens
that run out of ink
Pencils
that run out of lead
Jeans that wear out too soon
Parents that buy overly expensive toys
Feeling
like I overuse the word sorry.
Being
bullied as a child.
Filling
out paperwork
Air compressors
Cavities
between my teeth
Being
late for class, or work…
Vivid nightmares
When my
battery falls out of my laptop.
Sweaters
without hoods
Drug
tests that test for TCH and not alcohol
Worn out
sneakers
Mud…
Having
to cut my hair,
Being
stressed out all day.
100 Things, pt. 1 - Likes
Corey
John (my husband)
Cold
Coca Cola
Led
Zepplin
Loose
change
My
sixteen acre farmstead
Baking
Multiples
of seven
My red
Carhartt
Miniature
horses
Onions
in cooking
Wishing
at 11:11
All
fruit
Full
grown cats
Free
magazines
Carmex
Odin,
when he behaves.
Plants,
plants, plants…
Grilled
cheese sandwiches
Warm
days
Feeding
baby calves
Honey
scented
Endless
conditioner
Magnetic
pictures
Zip up
hoodies
Lottery
tickets
Homemade
chicken soup
Jeans
that fit
Tear
drop diamonds
Silver,
anything.
Singing
Sharpies
Collecting
skeleton keys
Hemp
Flavored
water
Canadian
geese in my yard
Planting
pumpkins with my nieces
Flip
flops
Any
DARK shade of red.
My work
study job
Second
hand and thrift stores
Cinnamon
Simple
faith
Midwives
and doulas
Phi
Theta Kappa
Badlands
Mini
Bic lighters
Netflix
Postsecret.com
Yoga
class
Staying
in hotels with Corey
Doing
things with my sister
Bicycle
rides
Halloween
Corset
backed dresses
Creativity
Getting
hair waxed off.
Peaceful,
silent twilight
The
Nightmare Before Christmas
Chocolate
ice cream cake
The
entire Harry Potter series
Days
spent at the lake
Going
on nice easy long walks
Getting
many things done in one day
Sleeping
with two pillows
Women
who choose to breastfeed.
Blood
oranges, cuties tangerines
KJ108
on the radio in the morning
Writing
something that actually makes sense
Pictures
that come out great
Pistachios
Teachers
that do use D2L
Looking
up crazy stuff on the internet
Extra
credit, no matter how small!
Friends
that understand my life
Writing
in MLA format
Snickers,
Reese’s, Kit-Kats
Coupons!
Salads
Candles
Bees
Wireless
keyboard and mouse
Psychology
classes
Sociology
classes
It’s A
Wonderful Life
Sadhus
in India
Elephants
Penguins
Beautiful
clear starry nights
Exploring
new towns with my husband
Parks
Old abandoned
buildings
Action
movies
Black and
white pictures
Sunglasses
Getting
published
Cheap
textbooks
Cowboy boots
Lightening
storms with thunder
Futurama
Being
carefree for a day.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Graduation!
This fall I am graduating with my first college degree, Liberal Arts. Now I know it's not that big of a deal of a degree, but to me it is. It's the first piece of paper with my name on it that I will care about (besides my high school diploma). It's my proof that I've started my higher education, and it's my encouragement to carry on farther. No one can take it back from me (granted if I get everything done for this semester's classes... YES Jen I am working on getting caught up!!!).
This milestone is a big one for me because I am the first to actually GRADUATE from a college in my little family. My father only went to school for barely two semesters. My mother went longer, but ran into legal trouble when she only needed one more credit to finish her two year degree. My husband went for half a semester, and ended up withdrawing because he wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. My sister starts her first semester of college this summer. Out of the majority of the grandkids, I am the first to finish a degree before my 30s. I'm a first, and it feels really nice to be a first.
Granted, it did take me three years (I took a semester break first right out of high school, then another between my two years here) but I have made it. I've done it. It's great to say I have made it this far, and I'm still going farther. I have learned so much about myself and my surroundings in these last three years. When I first graduated high school, I didn't trust my 18 year old self to know what I wanted to do the rest of my life. Now I have a better idea of what my values are in life and in a career. I'm more confident in me.
I love setting an example for my nieces, nephew, and future children. I like how my determination is giving my husband the idea of going back to school (this time a 2 year trade, instead of a 4 year degree). I'm so happy my sister is following in my footsteps instead of just idling on in life until she knows what she wants to do.
So, here's to me. Here's to the GPA I've held, the classes I've completed, the teachers I've grown to love. Here's to me not taking the negativity my high school told me to heart. Here's to the clubs I've been a part of, the coworkers I've befriended, the fellow students I've studied with. Here's to my education and going further on, even if I can't fully see the path yet.
I hope everyone has a great summer, an insightful moment in life, and doesn't give up. If I see you May 17th at graduation, a hug is more than welcome! Here's to us moving on!
This milestone is a big one for me because I am the first to actually GRADUATE from a college in my little family. My father only went to school for barely two semesters. My mother went longer, but ran into legal trouble when she only needed one more credit to finish her two year degree. My husband went for half a semester, and ended up withdrawing because he wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. My sister starts her first semester of college this summer. Out of the majority of the grandkids, I am the first to finish a degree before my 30s. I'm a first, and it feels really nice to be a first.
Granted, it did take me three years (I took a semester break first right out of high school, then another between my two years here) but I have made it. I've done it. It's great to say I have made it this far, and I'm still going farther. I have learned so much about myself and my surroundings in these last three years. When I first graduated high school, I didn't trust my 18 year old self to know what I wanted to do the rest of my life. Now I have a better idea of what my values are in life and in a career. I'm more confident in me.
I love setting an example for my nieces, nephew, and future children. I like how my determination is giving my husband the idea of going back to school (this time a 2 year trade, instead of a 4 year degree). I'm so happy my sister is following in my footsteps instead of just idling on in life until she knows what she wants to do.
So, here's to me. Here's to the GPA I've held, the classes I've completed, the teachers I've grown to love. Here's to me not taking the negativity my high school told me to heart. Here's to the clubs I've been a part of, the coworkers I've befriended, the fellow students I've studied with. Here's to my education and going further on, even if I can't fully see the path yet.
I hope everyone has a great summer, an insightful moment in life, and doesn't give up. If I see you May 17th at graduation, a hug is more than welcome! Here's to us moving on!
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Sense
At first I didn't know what to do for this blog, and then Google came to my rescue.
The definition of sense:
I wonder about the senses my unborn baby has right now. It must be interesting to be in a warm, airless, water balloon where you only hear muffled sounds and see only varying shades of darkness. Your only toy is your umbilical cord and the only drink you have is amniotic fluid, flavor varies from hour to hour. If onky I could give the ability to speak to a newborn for just an hour.
The definition of sense:
Noun
| ||||
Verb
| ||||
Synonyms
|
I wonder about the senses my unborn baby has right now. It must be interesting to be in a warm, airless, water balloon where you only hear muffled sounds and see only varying shades of darkness. Your only toy is your umbilical cord and the only drink you have is amniotic fluid, flavor varies from hour to hour. If onky I could give the ability to speak to a newborn for just an hour.
Thursday, April 25, 2013
The other side of fertility drugs.
I am sure many of us can think of someone who cannot have children because of fertility problems. Fewer of us know someone who has gone the fertility drugs or IVF route, or both. But can you think of someone that's a result, a child, of those practices?
I'm one of those children.
When I was about ten years old my mother began to tell me that she wanted to be a mother to me and my sister so badly that she invested $10,000 (each) before we were even conceived. At first I didn't understand what she meant, I just figured she had to pay for a lot of doctor appointments out of pocket. As I grew older though I started to understand that my mother couldn't have children without the help of fertility drugs. Her cycles were irregular, her eggs weren't maturing fully, she was already past the age of thirty, and my father's sperm count was starting to slightly drop with his climbing age.
The details leading up to her finding out she was infertile I have yet to get out of my mother. To get her on the subject is difficult these days as it's been over 22 years since she first started to discover and deal with her infertility. Once she finally had me and my sister, once she fulfilled her burning need to become a mother, she sort of motherhood amnesia-ed all the difficulties leading up to it. She honestly doesn't remember a lot of the process.
But I want her to remember. The truth is, I sometimes feel like my life isn't meant to be. My father would not let my mother adopt, he didn't want to be raising someone's mistake. A naive and ignorant thought, I will admit, but the truth. My mother all her life didn't want children, but when she reached the age point in her life that gave the warning signs that it was now or never to have children, she wanted to soothe the urge and was willing to do anything.
At the time, fertility drugs and IVF practices were on the rise. The doctor told my mother about Clomid. There were health risks listed for the mother to be concerned about, but was considered "safe" and would not affect the baby. Instead of standing her ground and going with the adoption route, she went with the drugs. After a year of bills and trying, she told the doctor one last cycle and then she was done trying. I was conceived. My mom became a mother after carrying me to full term.
Once I was born and she was given the okay to have another child, my mother went with the drugs again. This time it took over two years until my mom said only one more cycle and she was done. My sister was conceived. My mom became a mother for a second time after carrying my sister to full term.
She told my father she was done having children, that two were enough for her. My father originally wanted four kids, but he knew she wanted to be done with the drugs. My mom was a wonderful mother and raised us letting us know that we were wanted, really truly wanted. She taught us to be curious, to be smart, to question the world around us. I don't think she expected me to start questioning her.
When I started to understand more about the process that was needed to have me, I began to question. Science classes taught me that nature's way of ensuring abnormalities weren't passed on to the next generation was by infertility. Anatomy taught me that once a woman's body was not fit to carry a child anymore, her reproductive system ended ovulation. Medicine and drug education taught me that sometimes side effects of a drug were not apparent until years later.
I started to look into fertility drugs research. Though they do list the side effects that the mother can experience, there is limited research done on the effects it has on the child when it reached adulthood. Fertility drugs and IVF has only been available in the United States for the last 50 years, and increase of use is only the last 20 years. Many of the children conceived with these methods are just not starting to try to have children. Many of these children are facing health problems sooner in life. Is there a direct correlation? Or is it just coincidence?
Doctors ensure mothers desperate for children that there is no side effects for the possible baby. But how do they know without the proper research? Doctors used to smoke in the office with the patient in the room before we knew there was a correlation between smoking and cancer. We were testing nuclear bombs in the backyards of citizens before we figured out radiation could cause mutations.
What if? Is it worth having that child if there's a possibility that one day he or she may face the same problems as you did trying to have a child? Is it worth possibly genetically passing on defective genes?
I can't change the past. I can't have a pity party for myself over the fact that I feel like I took away a home and parents from a child that needed one. I can't blame my mother for the route she took. I can ask women to really think about how they want to have children. If you find out one day that you are infertile, ask yourself do you really need to carry a child to be a mother, or do you just need the child? If you already have children, do you really need more to complete your family? There are millions of children growing up without parents, and more and more are coming into the world every day.
This is my plea as a child conceived with fertility drugs. Please, please, think past your need now and into the future of your child. They grow up to be adults one day, and we will question the ways of the world. We will question your choices and actions. We will question God. I understand it would be hard to part with the fact you will never carry a child. I would be devastated as well. But I would not want my child to have the same thoughts as I do, the thought of "Do I really belong, or did my existence go against God?"
I'm one of those children.
When I was about ten years old my mother began to tell me that she wanted to be a mother to me and my sister so badly that she invested $10,000 (each) before we were even conceived. At first I didn't understand what she meant, I just figured she had to pay for a lot of doctor appointments out of pocket. As I grew older though I started to understand that my mother couldn't have children without the help of fertility drugs. Her cycles were irregular, her eggs weren't maturing fully, she was already past the age of thirty, and my father's sperm count was starting to slightly drop with his climbing age.
The details leading up to her finding out she was infertile I have yet to get out of my mother. To get her on the subject is difficult these days as it's been over 22 years since she first started to discover and deal with her infertility. Once she finally had me and my sister, once she fulfilled her burning need to become a mother, she sort of motherhood amnesia-ed all the difficulties leading up to it. She honestly doesn't remember a lot of the process.
But I want her to remember. The truth is, I sometimes feel like my life isn't meant to be. My father would not let my mother adopt, he didn't want to be raising someone's mistake. A naive and ignorant thought, I will admit, but the truth. My mother all her life didn't want children, but when she reached the age point in her life that gave the warning signs that it was now or never to have children, she wanted to soothe the urge and was willing to do anything.
At the time, fertility drugs and IVF practices were on the rise. The doctor told my mother about Clomid. There were health risks listed for the mother to be concerned about, but was considered "safe" and would not affect the baby. Instead of standing her ground and going with the adoption route, she went with the drugs. After a year of bills and trying, she told the doctor one last cycle and then she was done trying. I was conceived. My mom became a mother after carrying me to full term.
Once I was born and she was given the okay to have another child, my mother went with the drugs again. This time it took over two years until my mom said only one more cycle and she was done. My sister was conceived. My mom became a mother for a second time after carrying my sister to full term.
She told my father she was done having children, that two were enough for her. My father originally wanted four kids, but he knew she wanted to be done with the drugs. My mom was a wonderful mother and raised us letting us know that we were wanted, really truly wanted. She taught us to be curious, to be smart, to question the world around us. I don't think she expected me to start questioning her.
When I started to understand more about the process that was needed to have me, I began to question. Science classes taught me that nature's way of ensuring abnormalities weren't passed on to the next generation was by infertility. Anatomy taught me that once a woman's body was not fit to carry a child anymore, her reproductive system ended ovulation. Medicine and drug education taught me that sometimes side effects of a drug were not apparent until years later.
I started to look into fertility drugs research. Though they do list the side effects that the mother can experience, there is limited research done on the effects it has on the child when it reached adulthood. Fertility drugs and IVF has only been available in the United States for the last 50 years, and increase of use is only the last 20 years. Many of the children conceived with these methods are just not starting to try to have children. Many of these children are facing health problems sooner in life. Is there a direct correlation? Or is it just coincidence?
Doctors ensure mothers desperate for children that there is no side effects for the possible baby. But how do they know without the proper research? Doctors used to smoke in the office with the patient in the room before we knew there was a correlation between smoking and cancer. We were testing nuclear bombs in the backyards of citizens before we figured out radiation could cause mutations.
What if? Is it worth having that child if there's a possibility that one day he or she may face the same problems as you did trying to have a child? Is it worth possibly genetically passing on defective genes?
I can't change the past. I can't have a pity party for myself over the fact that I feel like I took away a home and parents from a child that needed one. I can't blame my mother for the route she took. I can ask women to really think about how they want to have children. If you find out one day that you are infertile, ask yourself do you really need to carry a child to be a mother, or do you just need the child? If you already have children, do you really need more to complete your family? There are millions of children growing up without parents, and more and more are coming into the world every day.
This is my plea as a child conceived with fertility drugs. Please, please, think past your need now and into the future of your child. They grow up to be adults one day, and we will question the ways of the world. We will question your choices and actions. We will question God. I understand it would be hard to part with the fact you will never carry a child. I would be devastated as well. But I would not want my child to have the same thoughts as I do, the thought of "Do I really belong, or did my existence go against God?"
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Ad in the classifieds...
This was a ridiculous fiction I thought of when I saw an ad in the paper for a silverware technician.
Once upon a not so very long time ago there was a fork and spoon originally named Spork and Foon. Spork and Food were brother and sister items of cutlery from the old Shangri-La in Grand Forks, North Dakota. When the Shangri-La was tragically shut down due to health problems such as coach roaches, the sibling pair decided to make an escape the last night the restaurant was open. They both did not want to continue their career in the food business, so they set out on their way one night in search of a new adventure. While Spork and Foon were walking on the middle strip of I-29, Foon noticed how light it was out even though it was probably well past midnight. “Stop for a minute,” said Foon to Spork, “let’s lay down on the grass and look up at the sky. Spork, who is always up for whatever Foon wants to do, fell backwards with Foon and started to gaze up at the immense and vast sky above them. Spork suddenly gasped! Right above him was a HUGE wheel of cheese!!! “Foon, can you see that huge wheel of cheese above us?!” Spork cried out. “Well, yeah, but I didn’t know the moon was cheese…” Foon mumble, but Spork was too excited and cut him off, “Could you imagine being the only fork and spoon to be stuck in that?!” Foon pondered this idea for a minute and then replied, “Well, that sounds like more fun then working at the Olive Garden…” Foon contemplated. Spork was already making excited plans, as he started to ramble about needing a rocket and maybe some duct tape. On and on Spork and Foon went making plans on how to make it up to the great ball of cheese in the sky, and while they were doing so they started to walk towards the Wal-Mart Super Center to go steal supplies for their great adventure. Now as you can imagine they were not paying very close attention to the road they were walking on when they were crossing to get to 32nd Ave exit, because right then a huge Cass-Clay semi truck ran both of them over flattening them into thin little strips of sheet metal and ending the two siblings short life of adventure.
Once upon a not so very long time ago there was a fork and spoon originally named Spork and Foon. Spork and Food were brother and sister items of cutlery from the old Shangri-La in Grand Forks, North Dakota. When the Shangri-La was tragically shut down due to health problems such as coach roaches, the sibling pair decided to make an escape the last night the restaurant was open. They both did not want to continue their career in the food business, so they set out on their way one night in search of a new adventure. While Spork and Foon were walking on the middle strip of I-29, Foon noticed how light it was out even though it was probably well past midnight. “Stop for a minute,” said Foon to Spork, “let’s lay down on the grass and look up at the sky. Spork, who is always up for whatever Foon wants to do, fell backwards with Foon and started to gaze up at the immense and vast sky above them. Spork suddenly gasped! Right above him was a HUGE wheel of cheese!!! “Foon, can you see that huge wheel of cheese above us?!” Spork cried out. “Well, yeah, but I didn’t know the moon was cheese…” Foon mumble, but Spork was too excited and cut him off, “Could you imagine being the only fork and spoon to be stuck in that?!” Foon pondered this idea for a minute and then replied, “Well, that sounds like more fun then working at the Olive Garden…” Foon contemplated. Spork was already making excited plans, as he started to ramble about needing a rocket and maybe some duct tape. On and on Spork and Foon went making plans on how to make it up to the great ball of cheese in the sky, and while they were doing so they started to walk towards the Wal-Mart Super Center to go steal supplies for their great adventure. Now as you can imagine they were not paying very close attention to the road they were walking on when they were crossing to get to 32nd Ave exit, because right then a huge Cass-Clay semi truck ran both of them over flattening them into thin little strips of sheet metal and ending the two siblings short life of adventure.
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